


red lights, stop signs

by woohanssi



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Break Up, Kang Taehyun Needs A Hug, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:42:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28727550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woohanssi/pseuds/woohanssi
Summary: Perhaps the reason why we can't let go of someone is because deep inside, we still hope.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	red lights, stop signs

**Author's Note:**

> well then,,, haha
> 
> title from olivia rodrigo's driver's license!! it's also the inspiration for this fic, you'll see why
> 
> first time writing taebin, hope u like it ^3^

Taehyun knew better. 

He tells himself this as the lady reaches through the booth, sliding a card to him. His driver's license, having just gotten it. 

The license is finally here, something he's been waiting for. But the person supposed to be with Taehyun at this very moment, _he_ had already left. He left long ago, but Taehyun still hasn't grasped his mind around it.

But Taehyun knows better, he does. 

Although, there are times where it slips Taehyun's mind. _He_ was a part of Taehyun's everyday, after all. 

There are times where Taehyun looks at his hand, and hopes that someone would take it, lace their fingers together, completely enveloping his smaller one. Times where he'd see a seemingly interesting recipe, excitedly waiting to show it to someone—only to remember that someone was gone. 

There's a few times where everything becomes much too overwhelming, and Taehyun craves the moment where he steps back into the apartment with the heart drawing scent of hot chocolate and a promise of comfort—someone telling him _you did well_. 

Taehyun feels more tired these days. The difference is that no open arms welcome him back anymore, just unrelenting silence. 

What might probably be the most difficult time is when Taehyun finds himself awake late at night, and his heart aches for someone that couldn't be there with him. A desperate call for a warmth that was no longer there. 

When Taehyun would feel a stab of something nonexistent, the broken whisper of an unanswered _I love you_ numbing him all over. 

Taehyun knew better, and yet. 

He told himself he'll be alright, he'll be fine. He'll get over it, get over _him_. The day will come and Taehyun would no longer expect for someone to be there in that empty space. 

One day, Taehyun will wake up and he'd no longer feel alone. 

However, that loneliness seemed to have built a home in his heart now.

The world continues to move despite it all, but Taehyun feels as if he gets left behind more and more as the time passes. He forces himself to go through his days, but he only feels his soul being drained until there's close to none of it left. 

Taehyun knows he'll be alright again one day. 

But sometimes, at some point, Taehyun still wishes for someone to be back there, beside him. 

Taehyun should've known better, and not let himself expect anymore. 

_today i drove through the suburbs_

_crying 'cause you weren't around_

There are bad days, then there's worse ones. 

Bad days were frequent, still are. Some more concerning than the others, many of it catching even his friends off guard.

The worse ones include when Taehyun sees him.

It's hard to miss him, even in such a huge campus. With such a bold choice of hair color, awe inspiringly eccentric if you ask someone else. But Taehyun loved that about him. 

He sees him often, and Taehyun feels the throbbing pain in his chest get stronger until he feels his throat close up when he gets an earful of the laugh he so adored. 

Taehyun continues to miss his laugh everyday. 

Though, what makes these the worst days isn't the fact that the feeling of loneliness deepens whenever Taehyun sees him. 

It's the selfish conviction screaming in the depths of Taehyun's mind, wondering how _he_ could be okay, how _he_ could still smile despite their unfortunate predicament. 

It is selfish of Taehyun, isn't it? To wonder if he was as messed up as Taehyun is, only to be faced with the harsh fact that he isn't. 

But what can he do, really. Taehyun could only watch from afar. Keep restraints on himself, wills his shaking hand not to reach out because no one will be there to take it. Not anymore. 

"Let's go," he hears Kai beside him, "stop staring at him." Taehyun sighs, giving his friend a look, only to receive an equally disapproving expression, "I wasn't staring at him." He knows Kai doesn't believe him, his face says so. 

"How long will you be like this?" It's Beomgyu that asks this time, as the three of them head out of the cafeteria, the enticing laughs a few tables from where they pass haunts Taehyun's leaving figure. "It's been months, Hyun."

The moment they make a turn to the next corridor, where Taehyun knows a certain pair of eyes could no longer reach him, he feels his knees buckle. 

His friends successfully catch up before his knees meet the ground, Taehyun feels weaker than usual. "I don't know what to do anymore," his throat closes up, the discomfort he's now acquainted with bubbling at the pit of his stomach. 

"Aren't you tired of waiting?" Kai asks, and Taehyun wants to answer that he is. He's really, really tired. But somehow, he still does despite it. 

"Waiting is easy," Beomgyu responds instead, "what's hard is accepting that we're waiting for someone who's not coming back." 

Taehyun feels the familiar prickling sensation behind his lids, the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. 

"You have to accept it, Taehyun," Beomgyu rubs his back, "he moved on, it's time that you do, too."

_today i drove through the suburbs_

_'cause how could i ever love someone else?_

Taehyun has always prided himself in being a sensible person with profound control of his emotions.

That is, until he met _him_. 

Taehyun would classify himself in what most people would consider as the tall spectrum of height, being considerably slightly taller than some of his peers. 

Though, there are a few moments where even shelves are too high for comfort. He finds himself in one of those moments. 

Taehyun huffs, going on the tip of his toes as he desperately reaches out a hand towards the top most shelf, trying his best to acquire a book he needed for a class. 

Perhaps he was having a much harder time than he thought, as he feels a presence by his side, and a hand going for the book he had been attempting to get for a while now. 

"Here you go." 

The book is taken out of the shelf with ease, and Taehyun feels a mixture of relief and embarrassment fill him as he turns towards the person. 

He tilts his head up to meet the other's eyes, and Taehyun feels all the air escape his lungs when he does. 

_Such soft eyes,_ Taehyun thinks. 

"Biology major?" the boy asks, successfully pulling Taehyun out of his stupor. "Biochemistry," he mutters in reply, taking the book being handed to him with a slight bow. 

"I see," the taller boy smiles at him, Taehyun feels himself get a bit lightheaded. 

"Thank you, uh," Taehyun waits, and the boy releases a small hum as he realizes. "Choi Soobin," the boy, _Soobin,_ gives him another smile. Taehyun nods, "I'm Kang Taehyun." 

"Nice to meet you, Taehyun," Soobin tittered, "and don't hesitate to ask me for any help." Only then does he notice the cart stacked with books on Soobin's grasp. Taehyun nods, eyes trained on him as he moves through the aisle. 

Taehyun starts to see Soobin everywhere on the campus after then. They seem to bump into each other often, more so when Taehyun goes to the library. 

They exchange contacts at some point, finding it only right after being more than acquainted with each other. 

Soobin isn't hard to like, not at all. Soobin opens up easily and Taehyun finds himself wanting to know more. Until eventually, it was his turn to do so. 

Taehyun realizes all he has wanted was someone to hear his voice, and Soobin showed him that he was there to listen. 

Soobin felt like home and Taehyun was in need of one, a perfect match. A connection so natural that finding love in each other just appears to be the perfect, next step. 

One moment they were each other's worlds and the next—Taehyun isn't sure.

What used to be such a tight-knit relationship started to tear apart until it hurt to hold onto. The needles being used to attempt sewing back together a hopeless quilt of fate in ruins began to stab into each of their hands and—

And someone needed to let go, because it would only hurt them both to keep holding on to a love that was no more. 

Taehyun was smart enough to know that, but that didn't help subside the pain when Soobin takes the stand and unclasps their fingers. 

All the whispered promises burn away, ashes fly with the wind as easily as Taehyun's tears fall the night Soobin leaves. 

People always say that you shouldn't fall in love, because everything that falls—breaks. 

But loving Soobin wasn't like falling, Taehyun decides. It's as if he was being pulled, and he let himself be. 

Into a path of undiscovered territory, one that Taehyun has never bothered to explore before. But it was alright, he had Soobin holding his hand, guiding him. 

Everyone talked of falling and breaking, but how come nobody has ever warned Taehyun of being held, and eventually being let go of. Until the hand that guided you would no longer be present, and you'll just be left there. 

Alone in the crossroads of going back to who you once were to another path to be someone who’d only have a missing part of himself to go on. Being left in a maze with tall walls without a map or an inkling, without knowing which way would hurt less or numb you more.

Breaking is better, Taehyun decides. You could still pick up the pieces, and _yes_ , you may never be the same again, but at least you could still put yourself back together. 

What's truly difficult is not knowing which next step you should take, as you find yourself lost and alone with only an unheard cry of help clutching at the strands of your soul. 

Falling and having nobody to catch you is scary. 

But being left behind in a path so unfamiliar feels so much more frightening. 

_today i drove through the suburbs_

_and pictured i was driving home to you_

  
Maybe it was the pressure of exams or the crumbling stress of the pretense that he's getting better is what makes Taehyun do it.

Kai and Beomgyu jump from the couch in alert when Taehyun storms out of his bedroom, rushing to pull his coat on as he grabs the car keys from the island. 

"Taehyun, where are you going this late?" Kai's voice echo from behind him, "it's raining so hard, I don't think you should drive out—" 

"I'm going to get an answer," Taehyun cuts him off, turning back to see a concerned expression from his friend. "I have to, or else I'll go crazy, Kai." 

Kai opens his mouth, an attempt to reason with Taehyun from doing whatever _this_ is, but Beomgyu stops him. The younger boy faces Beomgyu, an argument ready on his lips. Beomgyu just gives him a telling look. Kai seals his lips effectively.

"Be careful on the road," Beomgyu sighs, facing Taehyun. "Just promise us that when you get the answer you talk of, even if it may not be the one you're hoping for—you'd stop letting yourself hurt." 

Taehyun gives it a moment, but what else could he do at this point. So, he nods and swiftly moves out the door. 

The drive to Soobin's house was a quick one, the boy's apartment not too far from the university dorms. 

Taehyun goes through the lobby and into the lifts like second nature. It would be, with the amount of times he's been there.

The second he was face to face with the door of Soobin's apartment is the moment Taehyun realizes once more how stupid of an act he was pulling. 

What would he say when the door is opened and Taehyun sees him up close again, after several months of being apart? To begin with, what is the answer Taehyun came looking for? 

He realizes he doesn't know, but he ought to find out.

The doorbell rings, and Taehyun hears it faintly from outside the door. A shiver ran through him, it was cold. It didn't help that he parked way too far from the building entrance and had to run through the freezing prickles of the rain. 

Taehyun wasn't drenched wet, but it was painfully obvious that he spent at least a minute out in the pour. 

Soobin notices this too, as he opens the door and his face twists into one of concern.

"Taehyun," he mutters, surprise obvious on his face and tone, "what are you doing here?" 

Taehyun gulps down whatever semblance of fear he still has. 

"I miss you," Taehyun feels his hands shake, from the cold and from the nerves, "I miss you so much."

Soobin only stares at him, not knowing what to do either. Taehyun can't blame him. "Why are you doing this, Hyun?" Soobin's voice is gentle, and Taehyun isn't surprised, because everything about Soobin is gentle. From his voice, to his hands, to his kisses, to his mere presence. 

Soobin is the epitome of the word gentle itself, Taehyun loved him all the more for it. 

"I can't—" Taehyun feels a sob escape his lips, "I'm sorry for being here after so long and—and I know this sounds horrible but I still miss you, hyung. And it gets worse everyday." 

His voice breaks, and he takes a second to breathe. Taehyun wills himself not to cry. 

"I'm sorry," Soobin looks physically pained as he watches Taehyun shake in front of him. He doesn't reach out, even if he wants to. Because it's clear what Taehyun is asking for, he's asking for the comfort that Soobin could no longer give. 

So he doesn't reach out, because if he does—it would only hurt more for Taehyun. Soobin had hurt him enough, in ways that Taehyun doesn't deserve.

"I still think about you, a lot," Taehyun continues, "all the time, actually. During the day, in the middle of the night, it's you. It's just you." 

Soobin's eyes look sad, Taehyun hasn't seen them this sad since way back, "but when we broke up, you said—" 

"I was never okay with it," Taehyun confesses, "I told you I was because that's what you wanted and—and who was I to stop you?" 

"What do you want me to do then, Hyun?" Soobin asks, a sigh falling off his lips. 

"Can't we start again?" Taehyun asks, all his cards laid on the table. It's time Soobin gives his.

"I can't, Taehyun, I—"

"If we could try one more time," Taehyun tries so hard to hold his tears back, but with the way his breath shakes, he knows, "if we could try one more time, I promise I'll—"

"Soobin, what's taking so long?" 

_Oh._

Taehyun feels his heart fall faster than his tears does. 

"I'm sorry, Hyun," Soobin repeats. Taehyun's eyes move from Soobin to the figure behind him, who looks equally as surprised to see Taehyun. 

He feels like he was burning, it's painful. 

Taehyun's lip quivers, "Y-Yeonjun hyung?"

"Taehyun..." Yeonjun stops a few steps behind Soobin, eyes wide. 

Taehyun looks back to Soobin, the realization crawling in fast, "you and Yeonjun hyung are..."

Soobin nods, biting the inside of his cheek.

Taehyun's heart pounds against his chest, "s-since when?" 

"For a while now," Soobin replies, Taehyun takes in a sharp breath, "that's why, Taehyun—"

"No, it's...it's okay," he cuts Soobin short, another stream of tears fall from his eyes, "I understand. I’m sorry, I’ll go now." He takes a step back and heads towards the hall he came from. 

"Please be careful."

He hears Soobin's soft voice from behind. Taehyun pauses on his tracks, and it takes everything in him to put a trembling smile on his face and look at Soobin. 

"Please be happy." 

As soon as Taehyun gets the words out, he turns back around and leaves. The tears only get stronger. 

The rain seemed to have become heavier, near deafening, as he left the building. Taehyun starts the car's engine, taking one, two, three deep breaths before he starts driving.

He stops by a red light, a ringing in his head gets louder by the second. There are no other vehicles in sight, considering such a heavy downpour and the time of night.

"When the light turns green," Taehyun tells himself, "I'll drive away, and I'll leave everything that's you behind with it." 

Taehyun feels his throat tighten. His lips quiver.

"When the light turns green, I'll forget you."

Taehyun stares right ahead, out towards the empty road, a shaky breath. 

"When the light turns green, I won't love you anymore." 

The red light blares across the spikes of rain drops and Taehyun feels his sight get blurry one more time. His shoulders shake as the sobs echo violently in the car.

He prepares himself, a foot on the gas, ready to step any time the light tells him to. The wheel on his grip, and a promise to himself suspended in the cold air.

The reflections of red clicks into a bright, blinding green—

But Taehyun couldn't.

He can't find it in himself to start driving. 

He can't move past the invisible ropes of his self-made promise.

He can't stop loving Soobin. 

No matter how much he wants to.   
  


_'cause you said forever_

_now i drive alone past your street_

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading <333 let me know what u think!!! 
> 
> also!! thank u to flora for helping me proof-read ily <333
> 
> come scream at me on [twt](https://mobile.twitter.com/woohanssi?lang=en)


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